By Laurel Decker
I invite you to get curious with me before you read the rest of this article. Look around the room and find an object that catches your eye. Study it closely. Look at where the shadows and light meet each other, and wonder at their points of engagement. Do you see areas that abruptly go from light to dark? Any areas that softly and gradually transition through more subtle lighting? Notice lines and curves, and how they reveal details about your chosen object. Can you tell which direction the light is coming from and how it affects the shadows being cast?
Now, imagine that the light falling on your object is extinguished, leaving you in complete darkness so that you can no longer see the item you were just studying. Without light, you wouldn’t know what you were looking at. Let’s try turning it around, and now imagine the light coming back. At some point it gets so bright that again you can’t see what’s in front of you. Isn’t it strange that somehow blinding light is as disorienting as impenetrable darkness?
What if we approach this exercise as an exploration in self-awareness? Look inside yourself and, just as you singled out the object in the room, identify a behavior or thought pattern that you might not like to admit exists. Be kind to yourself in this experience and try not to assign “good” or “bad” to your discovery. Acknowledge that undesired tendencies are naturally a part of each of us. Acclaimed 20th century Psychologist, Carl Jung refers to these hidden natural tendencies as “shadows,” and the accumulation of them as the “shadow self.”
For various reasons, the shadow self is hidden inside and often goes unshared with the world. Many of us have been taught to label behaviors and thoughts as either good or bad— light or dark. We realize quickly in life that we gain approval from parents, peers, and community by exhibiting the behaviors and thoughts that are deemed to be good and light. We avoid disapproval by suppressing what could be labeled as bad or dark.
This is unfortunate, because often our shadows hold information about our natural gifts. For example, a child whose parents are successful engineers may grow up hearing about how they should naturally be a great engineer, too. Their parents knowingly (and unknowingly) put pressure on them to follow their career path. But as the child grows up, even though they take classes to become like their parents, they do not enjoy learning about engineering. Instead, they are very creative and artistic. If they are discouraged from expressing their creativity, they may never realize their potential as a great artist.
Carl Jung explained that these tendencies and parts of ourselves don’t disappear just because we, or others around us, do not approve of them. In fact, there is usually an opposite result. As they find a place within us to be hidden, or shadowed, they may become darker—denser. In the above example, every time the young artist indulges in their artistic expression, feelings of shame and guilt grow around that activity. Rather than becoming a robust natural gift, it becomes a sickly and underdeveloped one.
Jung further explained that denying that our shadows exist can be harmful. It is a common source of unhealthy coping habits because it is based in self-deception. Failure to acknowledge one’s shadows allows them to mutate from being shadows that beautifully complement light, into darkness that chokes out light. With enough practice and time, one may eventually deny that their shadows exist, but this is an illusion that requires a lot of work to achieve and sustain.
If we go back to the idea of using light so bright that objects can’t be seen, just think of how much work and energy it would take to get to that level of blinding brightness. You would have to use more outlets and bring in more fixtures. And at some point, the energy company would collect payment for your energy usage. Can you afford the cost of living inauthentically? What extra effort and expense do we invest with the sole purpose of appearing brighter and pleasing to others?
Fortunately, when we become aware of our shadows, we have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. Beginning with accepting ourselves as a pure and perfect creation. In case you have a hard time accepting your perfection, just think of newborn babies and their peaceful, radiating light. You too were born with absolute wholeness that radiated perfect light. Certainly, over time we all accumulate beliefs that overshadow that wonderful light. But a beautiful gift can be found in discovering that we have an ability to transform and find our way back to the pure love and light we had the day we were born.
Even when we know there is a purpose in the journey of transformation, shadow work is often a painful healing process. Challenging long-held beliefs requires intentional effort and an ability to trust the process and stay the course. In my own experience with illuminating personal shadow beliefs, I found therapy, yoga, journaling, self-help literature, and communicating with like-minded people to be especially helpful. These are compassionate tools that ease the pain of healing. They help us to find beauty in the complexity and texture that is more visible as we cast light on internal wounds and scars.
Balanced illumination creates a contrast that gives us accurate information. And just as visual contrast reveals optical clarity, internal contrast reveals emotional clarity. The balance can be tricky to achieve, but with practice we can integrate shadows and highlights in harmony.
Jung tells us that, “To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides and thus gets in the middle.”
This is such a powerful message because it means that to be aware of the shadow is the first step toward living as our most true and aligned self. In this awareness, we naturally integrate our dark and light in harmony and balance. As you embrace your authenticity, you become free to embrace your natural and whole self. Then you can care for, and cherish, every part of yourself in a way that was not possible before that awareness.
Now, I invite you to do one more activity with me, and that is to first acknowledge that your wholeness and perfection never left you as you grew up. You are, and have always been, divinely and intentionally created no matter what experiences and stories have darkened that knowing. Now imagine lighting a candle in your heart center. Feel its warm glow inside you. Put your hand on your heart and say to yourself “I love you. I will look inside with compassion so that I can see and know the whole you again.” Take as much time as you need to let these words find meaning for you. My friend, when you are ready to examine your shadows, let that warm candle light the way. I send my own love and light to help you illuminate and meet your truest self.
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