Story and Photos by Cashmere Morley

Over the buzz of both hops and chatter there is a cow bell. The noise can be a spell-breaker or a tension-reliever depending on who is sitting in front of you. The cowbell means your six minutes have concluded. It’s time to turn to your clipboard of names and scrawl some notes— to quickly decide if the stranger in front of you is worth a seventh minute (or perhaps, even, a second date) before the next date sits down. Welcome to a Perky Wallflower Speed Dating session.

You may have seen the guerrilla-marketing for The Perky Wallflower in the form of plastered flyers on light poles downtown Ann Arbor, or stickers slapped on the sides of gas station pumps. The name immediately evokes the question: how can one be both effervescent and subdued?

I think it might surprise you to know that the founder of Perky Wallflowers, Adia, is only 15. What began as a school project for then 12-year-old Adia has blossomed into a local matchmaking event for people from aged twenty into their late sixties. Adia wanted to ensure that the Perky Wallflower experience was crafted specifically for both personality types: the outgoing and the quiet can both have a chance to find love. The name is a play off of this idea, and she hopes that it encourages all personality types to show up and give speed dating a try.

Adia and her mom host The Perky Wallflower three to four times a month. “My favorite part about running The Perky Wallflower Speed Dating events is helping people connect, even if it's not on a romantic level, because everyone needs companionship,” said Adia. “I think it's important for people to have a chance to form relationships, and it makes me so happy and brings me so much joy to be a part of that. Also, I love getting to run the business with my mom and getting to spend time with her.”

“Before they begin [the speed date], we give everyone a set of questions that can ignite a spark [through conversation],” said Sara, “We want to avoid questions that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ and instead ask questions like ‘How would your friends describe you?’ … It's more about trying to get [the date] to really talk about who they are as a person. Because, you know, you get six minutes total, but it’s really only about three minutes apiece.”

Whether your personality leans more toward the "perky" or the "wallflower" portion of the moniker, Sara agreed that this is an event catered toward anyone trying to find love. The mother-daughter duo take great care in making sure the atmosphere is relaxed and welcoming so everyone can show up as their most relaxed and authentic self.

“We don't just want to take your money. We really want you to find somebody. That's why we're doing this,” said Sara. “We're really big on connecting. We love it when we hear about success stories. We’ve had marriages. People have kept in contact with us and let us know they’re still together. I think that really sets us apart [from other dating apps and events].”

The structure of the speed date is also what pulls people into The Perky Wallflower and keeps them coming back. Each session is arranged by age bracket. The concept is simple; a pool of potential romantic matches, equal counts of men and women, all gather at Erratic Ale in Dexter on their assigned date. The women are assigned seats and remain seated the entire duration of the event. The men trade seats each time the cowbell rings.

If a date isn’t showing signs of a spark, Sara doesn’t like to interfere. She feels that even silence is an important part of the speed dating process, and dates can learn just as much from lack of a connection as they can from a blossoming conversation.

However, if at any point you feel uncomfortable during a date or have perhaps already been to The Perky Wallflower before and see a date you don’t want to talk with again, you are free to grab a drink at the bar or talk to Sara and Adia during that six-minute interval.

Questions are freeform, but the better questions you ask, the more you know if the person sitting in front of you is a potential romantic match or just a pleasant conversation. As Sara said, “this isn’t an interview. But asking good questions is the key to success.”

In between dates, you are given a clipboard to record notes on your suitors. These notes can help you record if you’d like to see the person again, but they can also serve as feedback for the person sitting in front of you after the speed dating has concluded.

“We’ve had people write feedback such as ‘didn’t make eye contact’ or ‘didn’t have much to say’. We don’t usually share feedback unless someone asks for it, but if someone comes up to us and says ‘I didn’t get any matches,’ it can be helpful to share with them some of the insight that other people have written down during their date. Some people need a bit more coaching than others.”

Sara met her husband speed dating pre-pandemic during a speed dating event in Ann Arbor. That location shut down during the pandemic, but for Sara, the seed had been planted. In a world oversaturated with love stories about partners meeting over a blue light screen, Sara knew there was a desire for in-person connection. Because she was living that meet-cute story in real-time, she knew that other people would benefit from an opportunity to meet their next partner in a situation that wasn’t a sterile dating app environment.

“We didn't see that there was any competition [for an event like this], coming out of the pandemic. We have some friends that are single, and we were just seeing how hard it was to connect, and especially around the pandemic, but then coming out of it, no one knew how people felt or how to talk to each other. We wanted to make a safe space for people to make that connection again.”

When the school project arrived, both Sara and Adia recognized it as the perfect opportunity to launch The Perky Wallflower. While the inception of the event may come from Sara’s own life experiences, The Perky Wallflower is Adia’s brainchild: she came up with the name, the logo, the website, and she organizes all the events. All of the proceeds go toward her college fund. A ticket for admission is a nonrefundable $25.

Sara said that there have been repeat suitors who keep coming back to The Perky Wallflower because they are destined to find love through the speed date setting. Sara recalls one man who was “convinced” that this was the format he would find love.

“He's said, ‘I know what I want, and I'm convinced that when I find it, I will know.’ He was a scientist, so self-admittedly a bit nerdy. And he was like, ‘it takes a special person to love my nerdiness.’ And he found another scientist at our event! It’s so funny, she texted me the other day and told me that they watch sci-fi movies together and dress up for different events. That’s the kind of story we love to see!”

Right now, The Perky Wallflower is held at Erratic Ale, but Sara hopes to branch out a bit in the future to other locations. They are always looking for people of all ages to come out and try a date, so Sara encourages everyone to give it a chance if they are curious about a new way to meet a potential romantic partner.

“You do have to be vulnerable. You are putting yourself out there, but it is fine. Most of the feedback we receive is people telling us they had a good time and want to come back,” said Sara. “It’s beautiful because we get people from all different walks of life. You're always meeting different people—which even just that in itself—getting out of your house and meeting other people— consider that a win even if you don’t make a connection. My one piece of advice is to just try it once.”

If you end up going on a speed date and are on the fence between giving someone a "yes" or passing over them, Sara suggests going with your gut. A maybe means there’s a spark, a spark could turn into a flame, but only if you’re willing to give it a chance.

“I hope people leave our events with a greater sense of connection with others and a new experience that was hopefully fun,” added Adia.

To experience The Perky Wallflower, visit their website at theperkywallflower.com and use the contact form to sign up for an event. You can keep up with them on Facebook @theperkywallflower.