By Janeen Morgan
The world we live in today is filled is so many uncertainties. Social and civil unrest, uncontrolled gun violence, and the never-ending saga called the Coronavirus, are all changing the lives we knew. All these factors are changing nearly every day—sometimes, by the minute. One thing we can guarantee won’t change is love. No matter who your love partner is, knowing how to love and who to love is very important. More important than that is knowing how to stay committed to the one you love.
Not long ago, I had a chance to gain some insight on this topic from a Detroit local—Dr. Sabrina Black, CEO of Abundant Life Counseling and Coaching, LLC. A professional counselor, minister, mother, and wife, Dr. Black has been married for over 30 years. Our world needs so much help and healing. The advice she gave me is timeless, not just in these perilous times, but forever. Love is and will always be.
Janeen Morgan: How has commitment played a role in your professional life as a counselor?
Dr. Sabrina Black: Commitment is paramount. Not only as a professional counselor, but in life. Especially in relationships. Commitment is defined as being dedicated to a cause or activity that is important to you. When you are committed to something, you are willing to make sacrifices, and you are willing to stay the course to see change come about. As a professional counselor, I am committed to help my clients accomplish the goals and objectives for which they have sought help. As a counselor, I am choosing to enter into that person’s world to help him/her navigate the course of their life. It could be easy to give up or give in when things get off course. But that is when we determine how committed we truly are. That is when people most need us to be committed. Just like in relationships. The commitment we make in marriage is until “death do us part—” not until things get difficult. People seem to have lost clarity about what it means to be committed, to be faithful, to be loyal, to be steadfast. These are words that we need to define before we enter into a relationship. They [those definitions] will help us determine if we are truly ready. You may find that you know how to be committed, but only to yourself and not to another.
Janeen Morgan: Do you believe a person is single until they are married?
Dr. Sabrina Black: Single based on how society has defined it would mean a state of being where an individual is not in a committed relationship. Marriage is also a state of being. Many people classify their status online in various ways to indicate their availability and commitment to their current relationship. Many Christians consider themselves single yet married to Christ. Others consider themselves single yet available. Single has over time had a negative connotation. It has implied that you are alone, that no one wants you, or that you are difficult to please or be with.
However, single being a solitary state, simply means that you are making a choice to not be in a relationship. When you are choosing to be single versus married, you are also indicating that you are willing to do without the privileges of marriage. Without sounding sanctimonious, some of the benefits of marriage are supposed to be exclusivity, sexual intimacy, and lifelong companionship through both good and bad times. When a person is single, exclusivity is sometimes questionable, and people stay for the good times only.
Janeen Morgan: The terms love and commitment are used so loosely in today’s world. What advice can you give someone in a committed relationship?
Dr. Sabrina Black: For those who are in a committed relationship, my question would be how long will this commitment last? If it is until death do us part, then you should get married. If you are just having a good time and having fun—that needs to have a limit. If after two or so years, you haven’t figured out if he/she is right for you or not, it’s time to rethink some things and get clear on what you really want in life. When people who are single date until infinity, they actually hold one another hostage from better relationships. After you’ve been dating for over one year, and you’ve had an opportunity to see your partner in various seasons of life (out with family, friends, alone time) you should be able to decide as to whether you want to be with that person for the rest of your life or not. When people are single, they are usually looking toward something. If your relationship as single individuals doesn’t have a definite determination or future, then you need to ask yourself, “How long do I want to linger here?” There is no reason for you to date beyond two years. That is more than enough time to determine if you want someone or not. After two years, you should begin to discuss marriage and or separation. You should not still be dating this person six years later hoping that you were going to marry one day. If marriage is your end goal, then you need to find someone who has the same goal in mind. You will not find that person and that person will not find you if you continue to date that person. A single person with no plans in marriage in the end is pointless.
Let’s continue to make love make sense as we strive to stay committed, not only in a relationship, but to each other, in our families, and friendships. Love Wins!
To learn more about Dr. Sabrina Black visit her online at DrSabrina.net or give her a call at (313) 201-6286. Office hours are virtual only, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. by appointment.
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