Shapeshifting

By Sibel Ozer

Bertold Brecht says that the aim of science is not to open a door to infinite wisdom but to set a limit to finite error. Psychology as a social science can’t afford to close its doors to wisdom as its subject matter is perpetually searching for meaning. Wisdom offers both meaning and understanding in a way knowledge simply can’t.

We ought never be surprised when we find ourselves (or someone else) acting in a way that appears irrational. I could argue that our periodic lack of rationality is in fact what makes us most human. Rollo May says that “we all think of ourselves not in moral or rational categories but rather as central characters in the drama of life.”

What resides in our unconscious is as much a part of who we are, and how we behave, as what makes up our consciousness. The language of the unconscious is imagery. The rules by which it functions are mythical. Science seems to lag behind the arts in its grasp of the paradoxes inherent to humanity. The psyche expresses itself through symbol and metaphor that can best be understood through stories, as stories allow for the unknown. Stories tolerate mystery. 

There is a plane of existence within our beingness that includes our dreams, our imagination, and our capacity to visualize while awake (what Jung refers to as active visualization, and Shamans know as journeying). This space holds all manners of beings that do not exist in the physical world, even as they are very much a part of human reality.

My first experience of shapeshifting happened during a drumming circle at a time when my now fluent and articulate 21-year-old had just started stuttering. I remember being utterly distraught thinking about the rest of his life shaped by his speech impediment, thinking of all the ways and places he would struggle. I had not yet been introduced to mindfulness, and it didn’t occur to me that imagining the future would increase my suffering tenfold.

We think we prepare ourselves by imagining the worst possible outcome, when in fact we suffer needlessly based on a hypothetical future, which is often way worse than reality.

Around that same time, one of my teachers from the Cleveland Gestalt Institute offered Shamanic drumming circles. A well-facilitated drumming circle can enable a shift in consciousness helping one to enter journey space where the rules of science don’t apply. Jung developed a process called active visualization to help his patients benefit from what this space has to offer.

As I lay on the mat with worries about my son weighing heavy on my heart, I found myself in a large meadow surrounded by a herd of buffalo. Instead of fearing for my safety like a rational person might, I felt myself drawn toward this majestic animal and let my curiosity lead me forward. I was mysteriously able to get closer and closer until I entered the buffalo, somehow becoming one with the animal, able to see the meadow through its eyes. 

The most interesting part of the experience was how the worries in my heart started shifting / lifting as I myself had shapeshifted. In buffalo form, I somehow knew that my son would be okay, which I hadn’t been able to accept from other resources, and many had tried. I remember a teacher saying it might be a phase, our therapist saying speech therapies would help, and friends assuring me all would be well in time. None of these had decreased my worries with any significance, and yet in some mysterious way, my shapeshifting into a buffalo had had this marvelous effect on my entire being. Watching the endless meadow through the animal’s vision filled my body with a sense of calm, and my mind with a knowing that all would indeed be well in the end.

There is no way I can rationally explain such a transformation. As a trauma therapist I could theorize that this seemingly mental activity involved my body, and the process of change happened similar to what somatic psychotherapies facilitate.

Another influential shapeshifting experience happened during another drumming circle when I found myself on my favorite beach in Turkey with an urge to enter the water. The inexplicable part of this one was how I was able to breathe while diving deeper and deeper as I had transformed into a sea turtle. The most interesting part of this dive was what it helped me feel into.

Like most of you, I know that we are all free, theoretically, that we can change our lives in small or large ways any time we want, and that there are often valid reasons (excuses?) that prevent us from doing so. Sometimes the list of obstacles in the way of a desired change is way longer then the possibilities. Sometimes the obstacle is that we don’t even know what we want at a deep soul level.

At the time of this journey experience, we had just moved to the US on a limited visa, had little money and no access to loans, and my mind was set in the direction of a doctoral degree. I had been hearing an ad about an art therapy program on the radio and would notice being tickled by the idea of pursuing it. I don’t think I would have ever moved in that direction if it weren’t for the experience of the turtle. It simply was too far-fetched a concept to allow serious deliberation.

The experience itself is nothing extraordinary when I put it into words. A simple occurrence of swimming in the depths of the Mediterranean, I was making basic decisions about which way to swim based on what I felt like at the moment. And yet, I can say in all honesty that I hadn’t ever tasted the feel of true freedom before that. And I don’t remember tapping into it since then with the same clarity. Coming back onto land and out of journey space, I knew that I wanted to become an art therapist. I also knew that I would make this happen no matter what the challenges I had to overcome. It took another nine years in real life for me to become fully qualified. It was possible despite the many hurdles because it was aligned with my deepest desires and the clarity of my intention. Intent is indeed everything.

Themes of shapeshifting continue to come up in my Art of Allowing practice. As paintings remind me of the legends and myths of women changing into birds, or seals changing into women, I am invited to pay attention to the changes my deeper Self is asking of me.

Not all change has to be life altering. Regular change and adjustment is essential for a psyche that wishes to remain awake and vibrant, as the mind’s tendencies to habituate and disconnect us from our deepest desires (life purpose) are hard at work inside our mind. Rumi warned us about them years ago:

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you

Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want

Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth

Across the doorsill where the two worlds touch;

The door is round and open

Don’t go back to sleep.  

The pandemic has forced us all to change how we function on a societal level. The shapeshifters in my paintings are inviting us to make sure that we don’t miss this opportunity to make some inner changes as well. Listen deeply to what you really want, change entirely if need be, or try something new if nothing else is possible. Transforming an emotion, changing a thought, a belief, or an old story can also be thought of as shapeshifting.

The shapeshifter archetype exists to teach us about the difference between living and surviving. As Jonathan Livingston Seagull says:

 You need to keep finding yourself,

a little more each day,

that Real Unlimited You.

 Sibel Ozer is a licensed professional counselor and board-certified art therapist currently doing private practice in downtown Ann Arbor. She started her career as a clinical psychologist working with earthquake survivors in Turkey. She continued her work in the United States in hospice, hospital, and private practice settings further specializing in grief, loss, and trauma. She is a certified EMDR practitioner and a graduate of the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland. She gives experiential workshops nationally and in her country of origin (Turkey) on different art therapy topics. Visit www.sibelozer.com, call (303) 905-1109, or email fireflyarttherapy@gmail.com.

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