By Sibel Ozer

I think we honor ourselves by honoring the past
Jimmy Hendrix

We honor ourselves by honoring not only the past, but the present, and the future as well. Honoring the past includes people, places, phases of life, and memorable events. Honoring the present includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. And we honor the future through making space for our hopes, dreams, and wants.

Societies throughout history and across cultures have grasped the importance of honoring through the creation of an innumerable variety of ceremonies that facilitate it. Let’s contemplate the concept of honoring further.

The beauty of life is that opposites are experienced fuller when we have previous experience of one of the contrasting poles. We all will savor getting to hug one another, or doing all that we used to do in community once the pandemic is over at a deeper level, especially, initially. Once enough time passes, we will habituate of course, and begin to take things for granted all over again. This must be why life is on a covert mission to make sure we experience ups and downs with some regularity. It is secretly conspiring to make sure our experiences are as full as possible. The way we can collaborate with life to make sure we are fully alive happens through honoring. It is also through honoring that we can make sure no parts of the psyche are left behind.

I have a penchant for adventure, and quite a bit of the traveller archetype within me which has enabled me to move on to whatever is next with great gusto. I wasn’t as aware of the importance of the practice of honoring in my youth, which resulted in unfinished attachments, in parts of my psyche being left in places and with people. This happens at the energetic level rather then an actual fragmentation of the psyche and still isn’t ideal for a psyche that needs to have all its parts housed within the body in the present, for optimum wellbeing.

I have had to let go of my downtown office due to the changes the pandemic brought about recently. My office was a special welcoming place; I had designed it with all the love, care, and creativity I have at my hands, and I have a lot to spare. Over the years many clients reflected how safe and sheltered they felt in the space, how warm and cozy it’s overall feel was. My creativity has also blossomed there as the concrete floors I didn’t have to worry about dirtying, and the overall spaciousness allowed all of us to engage with abandon. I am realizing the gift this was as I try to fit my studio space into a room in our home emptied by our kiddo in college. I have hardwood floors, which are way better than carpet, but still have to worry about protecting them and the walls from paint splatter, which requires control.

As I was slowly emptying my office space, I made sure to give thanks to the floors of my office with all its cracks and irregularities; it served my needs perfectly. I also took longer than usual boxing the various art materials, making sure I gave thanks for all the experiences they co-facilitated with my clients. I hadn’t thought of art materials as the co-facilitator of an art therapist before, but they have been that indeed. I am taking care to honor all the remaining client artwork that I will continue to safe-keep for them. Various memories come to mind as I take my time with the packing as opposed to rushing it, allowing me to honor the people as well as the experiences involved. It is our full attention and reverence that makes spaces and relationships sacred.

I don’t imagine this to be the last studio office space I will get to create and work from, however, it doesn’t hurt to hold that as a possibility. I remember a grieving client crying about not knowing that it was the last time he would be making love to his wife of 20 plus years. We simply do not know what life has in store for us, and as much as our taking things for granted helps protect us from the anxiety of an unknown future, it also carries the price of dulling us to the complete appreciation of a unique, transient moment.

This practice of honoring created a grounding within me, a sense of fullness and rightness, even as I had to say goodbye to something very dear to me.

It seems that modern life has robbed us of the practice of honoring that is one of the ideal ways for a healthy psyche to approach transitions, both big and small. The psyche moves quite a bit slower than the demands a typical western life allows us, especially in the professional arena. This speedy approach to things (the show must go on—let’s push the recovery of that strained muscle, or we expect you back at school or work—let’s move on from that loss you just experienced) leaves the needs of the deeper psyche in the dust. We end up creating additional (unnecessary) suffering that results from our experience not resonating with the demands of the context within which we live our lives.

I took a lot of photographs of the space as I dismantled it—not because it will serve me professionally, but again as a way of honoring it. I will look at them to remember not with a broken heart, but with respect for a time and a space that was filled with soulful experiences.

I noticed that a part of my psyche was dejected, buying into the thought that letting go of my office was a type of failure. Then a naïve comment of my husband’s regarding my art was able to find a hook with that part of my vulnerable psyche. So as always, I turned to art to help access a force that could counteract the critical mind. Pretty early into her appearance I recognized this figure as a manifestation of Green Tara even though she doesn’t much resemble original expressions of hers in art except for her greenish hue. The name settled in my psyche with such certainty though and a little out of nowhere, so I decided that is who She must be.

The more I sat with her and listened to her the weaker the critical voices became. There is a possibility of course that I am making this all up, however, it is worth noticing that if that is the case, my deeper psyche has found an ingenious way to use universal archetypal images to help me stay clear in my thinking and compassionate with my feelings. I have no problem with delusions that bring about wellbeing. The landscape of the psyche is a surreal mythical place that cannot be navigated with rationality alone.

My way of engaging with the art process is a type of honoring in itself. I move forward with great reverence and trust, even though my mind would like to make things happen quicker.

The peacock beside her was in the background waiting to be brought up even though I was fighting it the entire way, thinking Green Tara is depicted with flowers, not peacocks. Then it occurred to me that this is how symbols can become healing agents for us personally, they have unique characteristics, or sides they show to us, or experiences they give us that leaves no doubt that they are here for us and nobody else. This has been the case with animal allies throughout my Jungian and Shamanic explorations. Once turtle gave me the deepest experience of freedom I had known even though that quality is more often associated with the eagle. Hawk helped me feel into my confidence another time, even though it is typically associated with a bird’s eye view of life circumstances. We can know an experience is authentic when it is tailor made for our deepest need at the moment, and has nothing to do with what we would have imagined.

I later learned that the peacock symbol carries omens of guidance, watchfulness, and protection. In some native tribes they were worn to show communication with Spirit and to express higher wisdom. I understood it’s appearance as a validation of this path of honoring I am practicing. It was easy enough to add it to my existing mindfulness practice and seems similar in that its fabric is made of noticing and awareness. Honoring seems to have an added level of gratitude, respect, and a slowing down that allows remembering of the transience as well as the rarity of moments present or past.

Just to be clear, I don’t remember or even try to be reverential all the time. I only try my best to include a practice of honoring with life transitions, the art process, clients in my care, and my loved ones. I believe it is as important to make sure there is a good dose of irreverence in one’s life—in other words, that there is balance. I find humor disperses taking situations and oneself too seriously and offers a great balance to the practice of honoring. For us Turks, the game of soccer is not only a favorite pastime, and a way we interact communally, but also an area that allows for irreverence to find expression mostly without life altering negative consequences. There is no other arena I know of where you can get away with swearing at a man’s mother, who is otherwise treated as semi-sacred. In other words the importance of honoring does not exclude the necessity for irreverent expressions that within a healthy context serve as sublimation.

Just like mindfulness, the more I think about it, the more I realize there are few things we couldn’t apply the practice of honoring to. We could honor the food we consume at least three times a day by slowing down to taste it and taking a moment to contemplate where it originates, the sacrifices involved in making it available to us, be it for sustenance and/or pleasure. The quality of my life seems to be receiving a newfound dimensionality within this practice, similar to a painting acquiring depth through the added layers of light and shadow.

What is one aspect of life you could bring intentional honoring into?

Sibel Ozer is a licensed professional counselor and board-certified art therapist currently doing private practice in downtown Ann Arbor. She started her career as a clinical psychologist working with earthquake survivors in Turkey. She continued her work in the United States in hospice, hospital, and private practice settings further specializing in grief, loss, and trauma. She is a certified EMDR practitioner and a graduate of the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland. She gives experiential workshops nationally and in her country of origin (Turkey) on different art therapy topics. Visit www.sibelozer.com, call (303) 905-1109, or email fireflyarttherapy@gmail.com.