By Jennifer Carson and Bill Zirinsky
Photography by Rachael Waring
Editor’s Note: We had intended to do a second photo shoot later in March, which would have included a second batch of the community’s leading lights (again, people who had been on our cover before). And to have also assembled our staff for group photos for the anniversary issue. But the pandemic intervened, and it was not to be. Maybe we will do that for our winter issue!
For our 25th Anniversary Issue, we invited eight well-respected leaders in the regional conscious living community, all of whom have been on our cover before, to gather together for a cover photo shoot to help us celebrate. (Plus, since it was our anniversary issue, we asked our founder/publisher, too.)
It turned out to be on Thursday, March 12th, the eve of the national pandemic lockdown.
Thankfully, they are all well, and so we asked them to tell us what they have been up to since that fateful evening, and what they have been thinking about during these months of sheltering in place. Here are their answers…
Brian O’Donnell
Brian O’Donnell is a local psychotherapist and an international teacher in the Pathwork, a contemporary spiritual discipline that involves a highly articulated understanding of personal and collective evolution as well as practical methods for living these ideas day to day. He was on our first photographic cover in 1997.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19? How have you handled this unique time in your life? Have you found yourself getting lonely, and if you have, how have you helped yourself to feel better? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
I’m a contemplative by nature so the solitude of the stay at home order is quite natural for me, and at times is a wonderful excuse to avoid social interaction. It has been hard for me to cease my traveling and also to let go of my playing sports. I’ve taken up running again after 25 years and it is a great way to rediscover Ann Arbor.
How do you see your work life changing as a result of this period in your life?
All my work suddenly shifted to an online format. This has been fine for my psychotherapy practice, yet my teaching work, I believe, suffers from the remoteness and the inability to dynamically “dance” with the online classes.
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
My guilty pleasures are going for long walks and getting lost, chocolate, and Netflix at the end of the day.
When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming as an adult? Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
When I was a child, I longed to be a priest. In many ways I managed to realize this yearning in my own way. I’m privileged to teach about how to awaken to True Nature. I hear “confessions” all day, I assist clients to die to what no longer serves them, and to wed what has been waiting for unification.
What inspired you to become a therapist?
I was inspired to become a therapist primarily through my first therapist and psychology professor at the University of Michigan, Gary Bron. His presence was life altering. He was a wonderful blend of penetrating insight and utter humanity. I felt immediately called to serve others in this same way.
What will have changed in your life permanently due to covid-19?
Nothing and everything!
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
I see this pandemic as a profound opportunity to dismantle personal and collective structures that aren’t in alignment with the well-being of the Whole. Painful and unsettling for sure, yet a call to greater evolutionary possibilities. The more we resist, the more the pain, and the more we yield and learn, the more the expansion and freedom.
Haju Sunim
Reverend Haju Sunim has been at the local Zen Buddhist Temple since 1982, and its leader for 35 years, “always with significant help from many sincere-hearted, skillful, and spunky sangha members.” She hails from Vancouver, and has two daughters, Karima and Komani. She’s been on our cover three previous times over the decades.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19?
I've been going out for a brisk daily walk in the very early morning followed by meditation in our local, Burns Park. I intend to continue these walks, weather permitting. Also, I have been doing a lot more cooking which I quite enjoy, and I have appreciated being in the garden more.
How have you handled this unique time in your life? Have you found yourself getting lonely, and if you have, how have you helped yourself to feel better? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
I live at the Zen Buddhist Temple with a few others. Together we have kept up a simple schedule of thrice daily meditation practice, sharing preparation of meals, renovation projects, landscaping, and growing vegetables. It's been a delight to build a chicken coop and have eight young chickens and a duck move in. We have been enjoying getting to know them. I personally enjoy regular Facetime and phone calls with my children and young grandchildren especially seeing how well they all have adapted to lockdown.
I guess it was hard to not have my regular doctor appointments for three months, but now I have taken them up again with mask and safe distancing. Also, I found it challenging to prepare my usual weekly dharma talks in response to the turbulence of the time. I realized I have much to learn about every issue that we are facing!
How do you see your work life changing because of this period in your life?
People have asked us to continue our online Sunday Services when we go back to in person services. The online services have allowed members and friends who have moved away to be back in regular touch. I am sharing my temple responsibilities more with younger ones.
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
The occasional coconut chocolate ice cream fudge popsicle.
When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming as an adult?
A schoolteacher.
What inspired you to become a Buddhist priest?
There wasn't a plan. One thing led to another, the priest here left, and I was asked to take on the duties. I said yes, not knowing in the least what I was getting into. It's been extraordinary!
Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
Well, I guess I did end up being a teacher but never dreamed at that time and that place, 1950's in Vancouver, British Columbia, that I would end up being a Buddhist priest in a Temple in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I had not even heard of the place or of such a vocation!
What will have permanently changed in your life due to covid-19?
I don't know. I'm watching.
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
I think that this pandemic has been a catalyst for much social unrest in this country and culture and I hope the so-called chaos we have been experiencing is an important part of a process to nurture a deeply just society wherein all lives matter. I know it has prompted us to look at how we here at the temple are doing with this. And, again, I have been looking at myself in this regard more than ever. Upheaval!
I also have been very grateful and in awe of the courage, love, skill, loyalty, patience, creativity, generosity, and heroism of our human spirit from those on "front lines" everywhere! Here, a deep bow to those who have supported the temple in so many ways. And a bow to the nephew of one of our members who is a doctor for native peoples in Arizona who were really devastated by the virus. He and a fellow went to Hollywood to raise money for equipment because support was not coming from anywhere else. And they were successful! Ah, the inspiring stories!
Dr. Lev Linkner
Dr. Lev Linkner has been involved with Holistic Medicine for over 43 years. He has been in solo practice in Ann Arbor for the last 20 years in a Multidisciplinary Holistic Center. During his first year in medical school at the University of Michigan, he was a founding member of the Ann Arbor Peoples Free Clinic, where he began his interest in healing. A charter member of the American Holistic Medical Association since 1979, he has been on the board of trustees and served as the secretary. Since 1977 he is a clinical assistant professor, advisor, and researcher at the University of Michigan. He was on our cover for our Millennium issue in January 2000.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19?
We have become better cooks and experimental chefs! Mostly vegetarian, gluten, and dairy free. YUMMY!
How have you handled this unique time in your life? Have you found yourself getting lonely, and if you have, how have you helped yourself to feel better? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
We have five grown children and have been babysitting three days a week our two-year-old grandson who lives a few blocks from us. It has been a blast and a joy! I have not been lonely at all. Hanging with him has been a gift and delight. The hardest issue is missing the rest of the kids, their spouses, and other grandkids. We are a very close family going from each coast, and really miss the travel and time to be with them.
How do you see your work life changing as a result of this period in your life?
For over 40 years I have been excited to walk into my office. I breathe in and out love as I walk through the door. Being able to help folks and have a close personal relationship with multiple generations has been the beauty of my work (honestly, has never been work). Now I have to resort to telemedicine, emails, and phone calls. It is important to be available, but nowhere near the same. The value of human touch is missing. I can't wait to be a normal holistic doc again!
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
No. My life is pretty stable that way.
When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming as an adult?
An astronaut, a fireman, and president of the U.S.
What inspired you to become a physician?
My father was a doc, and he inspired me. We went on house calls together and he showed me how to love and respect all people. I believe that the art and science of medicine is fascinating, and serving others becomes a way of life.
Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
Yes. My wife and I have been married over 50 years, have a wonderful, loving, and close family. I enjoyed the old way of working, and plan to do that eventually until I am 102 years old. I dreamed of helping others, the planet, and making a difference!
What will have changed in your life permanently due to covid-19?
Hopefully just the memory of this weird and stressful time. I hope the politics will be changed for the better this November.
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
Seeing the lies and hypocrisy that our government has shown are callous and causing many to die. I am worried that the human element of touch, caring, and community has been compromised. It has been profound that many are using technology to still try to be close and connected. Like the Grateful Dead song, Touch of Gray... I will get by, I will survive!
Larissa Czuchnowsky
Larissa Czuchnowsky is a schoolteacher at Forsythe Middle School, a meditation teacher, and Conscious Dying coach. She owns and runs Blue Turtle Nature Awareness Camp, which she founded with her late husband, Frank Levey. They were on the cover, with their then-7-year-old son, Isaac, in 2012.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19?
I would say that the uncertainty of the times has inspired more flow and surrender in my life. The unpredictability and cancelation of plans created many practice opportunities for seeing that if I argued with reality, I suffered. Not a habit exactly but the practice of feeling my feelings and showing up to what reality brings, with openness and curiosity, definitely got practiced a lot.
How have you handled this unique time in your life? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
This time has been beyond busy for me. Working at home as a single mom and having my children present with their emotional and learning needs had me deeply looking at the ways I work. I saw where I easily got overwhelmed and unproductive and how to support myself with kindness and encouraging self-talk to get through. My favorite phrase was “You’ve got this!” I have learned to work with my natural rhythms, and I have so enjoyed not having to get up to an alarm clock and to be able move a little more slowly in the morning.
How do you see your work life changing as a result of this period in your life?
With everyone’s new familiarity with meeting online, it’s supported the structure of the work I am doing as a conscious dying coach meeting with families from different parts of the country. In terms of camp, the disruption of my normal format brought in creative ideas and processes that I will continue with next year. The keepers have been the hammock village in the front of my property and the pool noodles used for socially distanced tag games.
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
My biggest guilty pleasure is reading online articles when I should be doing something else. And, I really like the macadamia nut keto bites from Whole Foods.
When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming as an adult?
As a child, I wanted to be a pediatrician and a mother because I loved children. I was also captivated by the arts and wanted to be a ballerina at one time. It’s this love of young people that has inspired me to be a teacher and run a day camp presently. Coaching brings a lot of joy in creating a healing space for others.
What inspired you to become a conscious dying coach?
My late husband, with whom I started Blue Turtle Camp, gave me a huge gift in his illness and eventual death. A gift I would never want or ask for, but a gift, nonetheless. To watch him slowly move toward death without fear and then to die surrendered and open-hearted was incredibly life changing. We both decided to use his transition as an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing. The gifts of illness and death are often not utilized in our culture due to our anxiety and fear of loss, which leads to us missing out on what is available during such a fruitful and precious time.
Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
Yes. I am surrounded with children in my teaching and day camp positions and now, as a conscious dying and awakened living coach, I can offer healing opportunities to those seeking more awakeness and presence during a challenging period in their lives.
What will have changed in your life permanently due to covid-19?
Well, my father passed away in a Canadian field hospital from COVID-related pneumonia. Luckily, we were able to be together by zoom for hours at a time. Using conscious dying principles, I was able to facilitate a beautiful and empowering journey for my Dad, myself, and my family. We did a lot of healing and forgiveness during those marathon sessions together.
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
I am most interested in how the unknown, fear, and anxiety intersect and the ways in which we give our power away when we are frightened. Also, as someone born in Canada, I am interested in the effects of national policy on health and well-being. Finally, it fascinates me to live in a time where consistent uncertainty has become an intimate part of life for all of us and how our resilience and heart are beckoned to lead us in this opportunity of re-formatting how we live together as a society.
Linda Diane Feldt
Linda Diane Feldt is a Holistic Health Practitioner, writer, and teacher. Her primary work is with Cranialsacral Therapy, Polarity Therapy, Herbology, and massage. A student of the healing arts since 1973, she has had a local private practice beginning in 1980. She has worked on the national level as past President of the American Polarity Therapy Association, and as a board member of the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork. Her current focus is working with new moms and babies who have nursing difficulties or birth trauma. She has been on the cover twice over the years, one of which was to celebrate the publication of her third book, Spinach and Beyond.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19?
I’m one of those triple-at-risk people who was already laying low before the stay at home order. That will continue. It appears that I had the virus in February so I’m still recovering from that, as I also appear to be one of the rare few who are taking months or longer to stop having symptoms. I have no new habits, just coping every day with a complex medical picture and staging symptoms. I do have more gratitude than ever just to be alive and usually functional. I hope that will continue and expand as well!
How have you handled this unique time in your life? Have you found yourself getting lonely, and if you have, how have you helped yourself to feel better? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
I am a social extrovert. And I love my work with clients, so that has been very hard. I’m also a relative newlywed and my husband has been a rock and a solid ally in getting through this. I am profoundly grateful for his support and love. I’ve learned and practiced a lot of asking for (and accepting) his help. It’s pretty amazing.
How do you see your work life changing as a result of this period in your life?
Right now, I am working less than I was, which was already curtailed due to my other health issues. I am interested in formalizing, doing more mentoring, and supervision for people in the health care field, especially those doing bodywork and herbology. That would be a nice way to share some of the wisdom I have from a successful practice of more than 30 years.
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
Sleeping. More sleeping. But I’m told this is also essential for post-covid recovery. Having more time for cooking and baking has been lovely. But I have no guilt around that! I have some residual guilt about all I ask my husband to do for me, but I’m working on it and we talk about it a lot
What inspired you to become a holistic health practitioner?
I had imagined I would go into public policy or advocacy work, especially political activity. When I started doing direct services at Ozone House, and practicing massage therapy, I realized it was much more impactful and also fulfilling. That’s the simple answer.
Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
I wanted to be a teacher, a writer, an advisor to major politicians, and an environmentalist. I think I’ve figured out a way to have all of that and more.
What will have changed in your life permanently due to covid-19?
I'm concerned that having the virus may have created some negative permanent change, like so many viruses do. Social activity, having dinner parties, small changes. But there is also a shift in the world in general being more vulnerable and having had this time to take stock and reset.
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
It’s too early to tell. There are some interesting changes in family dynamics, in political awareness, in personal health. It’s hard to know how this will all come together and how it will play out. But the world is a bit more surreal and there are possibilities.
Richard Mann
Richard Mann is a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Michigan, where he taught for more than 50 years about group process, psychology and religion, and spiritual development. He was the founder of Project Outreach, an ongoing experiential Psychology program at the University. He has written three books, Interpersonal Styles and Group Development, The College Classroom, and The Light of Consciousness. He has also been involved for many years with Siddha Yoga, and been a leading light in the field of transpersonal psychology. He was on our cover in 2004.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19?
I would like to stay committed to an early morning practice of chanting the Guru Gita. It produces a huge picture moment that lasts well into the day. A huge picture that reveals the enormity of the human condition and the not exactly unique degree of distress this virus has induced. We are all one.
How have you handled this unique time in your life? Have you found yourself getting lonely, and if you have, how have you helped yourself to feel better? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
I don’t feel lonely. I had already transitioned from the decades of hanging out with class after class, individual after individual, into my version of being something like the forest dweller. I might have a honey-do list to attend to some days. I might focus on writing down the thoughts I now have time to nurture. But the blessing is there in the unbounded moment that arrives without warning.
How do you see your work life changing as a result of this period in your life?
Steady as she goes. Retirement is delicious.
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
No.
When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming as an adult?
My cover story was to be a lawyer, but beneath that device I had hardly any notion of what I would “become.”
What inspired you to become a psychologist?
The joy of finding a stance to adopt, a reference point derived from social science. For one thing it provided the best vehicle I could imagine and gave me some leverage against the barrage of hide-bound opinions and conventional injunctions that ruled every dinner table conversation.
Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
I did achieve some mastery of the field of psychology, but to my surprise that one-up angle on college teaching became far less engaging than deepening the immediate contact with students as fellow explorers.
What will have changed in your life permanently due to covid-19?
I can’t think of anything I will ascribe to it five or ten years from now, or even five or ten months.
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
The dynamism of equality-consciousness and the actions that express this will at least create a new highwater mark. So many essential people, it turns out. Others will follow. The tipping point is out there somewhere.
Bronwen Gates
Bronwen 'Wildflower' Gates, Ph.D., is an ethnobotanist, shamanic herbalist, and multidimensional transformational healer by training and avocation, and co-creator with Faerie of the Faerie Flowers Essences. As a spiritual midwife, her mission is to “help you remember and be reborn into ever increasing intimacy with your Essence Self, to Come Home to the Goddess.” Her “skills and gifts are in service of [her]determination to end the domination paradigm, to restore access to Women's Mysteries, and to Mystery, to co-creating a partnership paradigm with Nature, with each other, and with the Divine that is our evolutionary directive.” She was interviewed in-depth for a cover story in 1998 and was again on our cover in 2003.
During this quarantine time you haven't been able to see clients or friends or family face-to-face. How are you filling your days?
‘Experimental’ cooking using the contents of my fridge and my cupboards. Gardening. Slowing down and taking leisurely walks in my neighborhood and parks to savor details and delights I had not noticed before. Some long overdue deep cleaning. Decluttering—liberating myself by re-imagining items as gifts awaiting dispersal. Reading voraciously, and even watching a few movies!
When you find yourself feeling blue and isolated from friends and everyday chit chat, what do you do to feel better?
First, I use acupressure tapping and see what flower essences might be calling me, then I sing, I dance, I wiggle, I clown around and laugh at my silliness to get my joy motor going. If that isn’t sufficient, I focus on being present to what I am feeling that is impeding my joy, and the thoughts that accompany this feeling, and then use whatever works—tapping, flower essences, other energy healing, forgiveness, breathing – to restore my balance. Or I go outside and revel with delight and gratitude in the beauty of nature and the magic of plants. There is beauty everywhere. Always works.
What daily habit have you changed that you would like to keep when this period of quarantine is over?
Being kinder to myself.
To go a bit deeper, Bronwen, please share with us some of your insights about the richer meanings one might derive from this pandemic?
I ask each day what I can do to transform the fear that fuels, and is fueled by, this pandemic, and how I can contribute to creating a future where we do not live in fear, where we have allowed ourselves to know the true nature of this pandemic, and how it can be contained and dismantled.
I continue to work to distinguish truth from lies, deceptions, and half-truths. My journey with the Faerie Flowers has been an intrinsic part of that journey. Magic, here defined as ‘the conscious creation of your experience in accordance with your will and imagination’, is real, and can be used for benefit and harm. When someone is committed to maintaining the ‘power over’ paradigm through conscious manipulation of others through words, images, and actions designed to enthrall their hearts and minds and support you at their expense, this is dark magic. Imagination is limited to greed and excessive consumption, and the will becomes focused on winning on your own terms at all cost to others, toying with the lives and futures of others for pleasure.
Magic becomes light magic when the definition is expanded to include ‘and your love’, for then there is intended and protected use of your magic to support conscious co-creation in alignment with the evolutionary destiny of each of us. We are at a turning point, when light magic is overcoming dark magic, though not using these words or definitions. The light of hope is re-igniting in so many hearts, despite so much that would seem to seek to destroy hope forever. Hope is shining forth ever more brightly in hearts that are open to bring forth the never-before New World.
A quote from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass helps explain the power of words.
“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’
’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’
’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.”
It is time to recognize "Whoever loves the most, wins.” (Barry 'Bears’ Kaufman)
We are called to reopen our hearts to love. To discover what love really is, its mystery, its power—and most of all—its grace. To let go of the lies and half-truths we have been seduced by in pain and fear. To learn how to create a win-win-win. To be co-creative with our inner sources and resources of love, and with nature. Nature is such a powerful loving and living feedback system, especially operative through our most intimate piece of real estate, our bodies. For me, and many others, conscious co-creation with Faerie is also important. Know it consciously or not, we are all on task and we are uniquely and collectively choosing the future that will unfold.
For you, personally, Bronwen, in what way has the pandemic been a liminal time for you, a threshold to what?
So many things! Making peace with myself. In some ways the pandemic started early for me—in terms of pain and isolation—I broke my wrist rather badly in January and spent weeks handicapped and in pain. I knew when it happened that it was not an accident (I had foretellings that I did not recognize until it happened), but I did not realize then, that in some ways, it was to begin the consciousness work that has occupied me during the pandemic.
When the pandemic became official, I took the pandemic “to heart,” consciously using the isolation to do deep diving into experiences and memories I had avoided as too painful. A time of soul searching, into my personal stories, and the collective stories of humanity. Why was this my approach?
I checked in as the infections spread and explored if I could harness sufficient spiritual resource to reduce its spread and co-create a fizzle for this infection. Not possible. This was, and is, a necessary spiritual awakening for us all, whatever our circumstance.
I recognized a lot of people were going to die, and my first prayer was to ask if the spiritual resources, that are my allies (and their resources), could make it possible that everyone who faced the gateway of death be given the gift of conscious awareness that they were held in loving care and that there was choice even in this circumstance. That no one, no matter their physical circumstance “died alone.” I also made an Essence to embody this prayer.
And then I got to work. I admitted to, and explored, depths of loneliness and fear, feelings of failure, lack of worth, low self-esteem, that I'm actually dying (this has changed my understanding of near death experiences forever!), that I'm fatally flawed—so many of these sourced in shame in so many forms and flavors. In each case I have chosen to deny the power of authority to any of the stories generated by painful feelings, and to do my part to reduce the power of these stories in our collective consciousness.
Tempered by beauty and love, I reminded myself of the deepest truth for us all, that these stories are not truth, but are engendered by feelings and experiences in times past that have (sadly) been the truth of our experience and relate to broken heartedness, feelings of deep betrayal, or toxic shame. It has felt like a seemingly endless search to get beneath these feelings, to claim self-acceptance, and gain mastery of these feelings, so that I can create a new foundation based on goodness, truth and beauty, eternal qualities that are foundational parts of our essential nature.
What is the first thing you want to do that you haven't been able to do once the quarantine is lifted?
The isolation from my grandchildren (ages six and two) was excruciating. I had been accustomed to seeing them daily and the joy of their little beings was my delight. To have Thea (the two-year-old) run into my arms was an exquisite thrill. Even when we video chatted, it was not the same, and I could see the hurt and pain in their eyes. They missed that physical intimacy as much as I did, and it continued even when we had permission to open up to distanced contact. We did finally create a pod of family intimacy, and finally the joy is shining in their hearts again, as in mine.
We went camping at Warren Dunes State Park, where I could be wholly immersed in love and beauty—family, forest, the dunes—and the lakeshore. Beaches are such liminal spaces where the elements—earth, air, fire, and water—are so alive and present. They are the domain of the boundary dwellers where I can be re-energized and feel at home. And I got to swim in the Lake!
What one guilty pleasure have you indulged in while in quarantine?
Why does pleasure have to be guilty? I want to enjoy sacred pleasure, and all (true) pleasure is sacred… pleasure that makes me feel alive and enriched. So, my unguilty pleasure is lightening up—letting myself enjoy being alive.
Bill Zirinsky
Bill Zirinsky has been the Editorial Director and Publisher of the Crazy Wisdom Community Journal since it began in 1995. He and his wife, Ruth Schekter, have been the owners of Crazy Wisdom Bookstore (and Tea Room) since 1989. He has crafted many of the publication’s in-depth interviews over the years, and also written occasional personal essays, including articles about both his disabled children, and his healthy children, the gifts his mother passed on to him, saying goodbye to his long term psychotherapist, and how much he loves the ocean waves. He has never been on the cover before but agreed to join in with the cover photo shoot, and to participate in this feature.
Did you develop any new habits during these months of stay-at-home orders and social distancing, or because of fear of exposure to Covid-19?
No, not really. Social distancing has become a habit, and I take it very seriously, and so my family has hardly gotten together with other people since March 13th. But it is a habit I can happily shed once there is a vaccine.
How have you handled this unique time in your life? Have you found yourself getting lonely, and if you have, how have you helped yourself to feel better? What gifts or blessings have come your way during these months, and what has been hardest?
I have spent lots of time with my wife, Ruth, and our 12-year old daughter, Grace. Hard to be lonely with our very entertaining and lively Grace around to brighten each hour! We created a nightly ritual of watching some television together. We have gone through watching three Netflix series about raising teenagers. First, Atypical, about an optimistic teenager with high-functioning autism, and his athletic and fierce teenage sister. And, more recently, 60 episodes of The Fosters. The Fosters is about a lesbian couple raising five teenagers, four of whom spent time in foster situations and got adopted by this family. Ruth and I also watched (after Grace went to bed) the British series, Sex Education, and again it is about the complexities of family life—a brilliant show. Our other daughter, Leela, is 17, and both our girls are adopted from Guatemala, and each show has profoundly resonated on many levels. These shows have truly helped me understand my role as a parent of teenagers. Worth two years of family therapy, I’d say.
The pandemic has been a gift in many ways, as I’ve found myself gliding into new choices about my work. New ways that I had been contemplating for a long time but had not actualized. And the way the pandemic has sadly stretched out has allowed me to gently pace the making of those changes in my work life at the bookstore. Having so much slow down has allowed me a slower tempo in other areas, too.
How do you see your work life changing as a result of this period in your life?
I am ready to retire from running Crazy Wisdom Bookstore after 31 years and let Sarah Newland run it (though Ruth and I will continue to own it.) She has been with us for 27 years and is oh, so capable of running it well. Oh, what a relief! I see staying devoted to our print publication and weekly online e-zine, and traveling more, once the pandemic ends.
The passage of time can feel faster now that I’m in my 60’s, and so the passage to 80 is not going to take that long, subjectively. I had better take the trips I have been wanting to take while I am healthy and energetic and still inspired to see more of the world. Then again, Grace has six more school years at home, so I intend to relish those years with her. And our Leela has just returned home in July, after three years in boarding school in Montana. I have missed her being part of our family’s sheltering in place together, and I’m so excited about that happening now (with a dash of anxiety tossed into that mix).
Have you indulged in any guilty pleasures while in quarantine? If yes, what?
Pleasures, yes. Guilty, no. The best pleasure in the spring was taking long midday and later afternoon walks in our Burns Park neighborhood. The greatest pleasure of this past summer has been taking regular ocean swims on a very secluded beach, but it is a pleasure I have indulged in for years before I knew the word “coronavirus.”
When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming as an adult?
I had ambitions to be the first Jewish President, an Oscar-winning actor, a major league second baseman, a publisher, writer, to star in Oliver, a dancer, real estate magnate, talk show host… perhaps fairly typical fantasies for a white boy growing up well-to-do in the 1950’s and 60’s. My fantasies had an immature quality to them, and only when I started smoking pot in earnest when I got to college at U-M did my understanding of myself and the world deepen. From then on, I mostly fantasized about being a psychotherapist, a writer, or a publisher/editor.
What inspired you to become a publisher/editor/bookstore owner?
Life happening. From the age of 9, I was a prolific writer for my summer camp weekly, and then wrote for high school and dorm newspapers, and started an alternative post-college magazine, The Alchemist of Ann Arbor, with Sue Budin and Tom Cavalier and others. So, I had a bent for writing and publishing since I was little. I have always loved putting my thoughts down on paper and then having others comment on them. Publishing for the people in my own town is fun and satisfying. Local publishing is meaningful. I remember the feeling of pride and satisfaction I had the time I walked into the Central Café on South Main Street, in 1979, and saw a few people sitting and reading my just-published cover story on the unionization of the University Cellar Bookstore. I had found my calling.
Did your childhood dreams manifest in your adult life? How?
I guess so. (See above.) I feel lucky and grateful.
What will have changed in your life permanently due to covid-19?
I hope I survive the pandemic. Sometimes I wake up with anxiety that I will not. Then I swim, and my anxiety lifts. Hard to say yet how my life may change because of this pandemic time. But it has disrupted and altered the chemistry of daily life in profound ways.
What do you think is the most fascinating or profound aspect (or aspects) of this pandemic, and its effects on our culture and country?
One essayist wrote that, unlike the Vietnam War, 9/11, stock market gyrations and recessions, the pandemic has had a direct effect on each and every one of us. It has been fascinating to be an observer of this, and a participant.
My heart aches when I let myself really take in the suffering this has caused, the illnesses and death, the dislocation and financial ruin, the fear it has engendered in all of us, the hardships for so many. What will come out of it, I do not know. I tend to imagine that once a vaccine starts to be widely distributed, the fear will rather suddenly evaporate, and there will be an understandable but risky euphoria. Risky not in terms of a health risk, necessarily, but I wonder if there will be an all-too quick “return to normalcy” and whether our culture will overwhelmingly begin again to over-indulge.
If that is so, I can picture a rapid casting aside of some of the deeper culture-wide insights and possibilities that have come from this time period. This has been a very traumatic episode for all of us, whether we can currently let that in, or not.
I think the most profound aspect of this has been to remind us of our mortality, and of the randomness of it all. Or, as Bronwen frames it, “a necessary spiritual awakening for us all.”
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