Conscious Parenting: Mindfulness Tips Teens Wish Parents Knew

By Natalie Freeburn

As a high school mindfulness teacher, I enjoy guiding, practicing, and applying mindfulness techniques along with my students. Seeing them learn about themselves as they grow their mindfulness practice teaches me about them daily. Every year, however, my students tell me I should teach a mindfulness class for parents and guardians, too. So, I’ve asked them, what have you learned in this class that you would most like them to know? If adults can practice tuning inward and grounding themselves when they are faced with challenging situations or strong emotions, it becomes easier for us to teach our children to do the same. 

Navigating Emotions

As human beings, we all experience a full range of emotions, but identifying how we feel at any given moment can be easier said than done. Of course, it’s easier to allow ourselves the space to feel emotions that are pleasant or acceptable to societal norms. What happens, though, when we’re feeling unpleasant emotions such as anger, sadness, anxiety, or boredom?  When we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we feel, it can have many unintended consequences. Avoiding unpleasant feelings with cover-up behaviors is not uncommon. It can be hard to turn inward and admit what we are actually feeling and understand what those feelings are trying to tell us. Many people avoid uncomfortable feelings with distracting behaviors or negative choices. Oftentimes, people act as though they are angry, but when they look deeper, they may find they are feeling ashamed, disrespected, embarrassed, or hurt. Anger is more accessible and acceptable, especially for many boys who are told to “man up” or “don’t be a baby.” We need to be allowed to acknowledge the deeper, more vulnerable emotions. All feelings are normal, human, and okay to feel, however uncomfortable they may be. It can be helpful to think of our feelings as clouds—ever-changing, and some more pleasant than others. Some linger for a long time like the gray of a winter day; some come and go like a passing storm; some are beautifully full of color. When we are feeling unpleasant emotions, remember that eventually, like the clouds, it won’t always be this way. This can be helpful to remember when we feel stuck in an unpleasant emotion like anxiety or boredom—but leaning in to acknowledge the emotion is the first step in loosening its grip. 

Accept and Allow All Feelings

One great way to utilize mindfulness is to recognize one’s emotions in order to deal with them, which is a practice Dr. Daniel Siegal calls, “Name it to Tame it.” Consider our feelings like a very excited toddler who has something important to tell you. The sweet child won’t stop begging for attention until what they are trying to say is repeated out loud. Once they are acknowledged, they feel heard, and they move on. Likewise, when we avoid acknowledging an unpleasant feeling, it tends to linger on until confronted. What we resist, persists. Therefore, model being vulnerable with your feelings around your kids. Talk about how you’re feeling, especially when you are feeling unpleasant. This act of vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but demonstrates your humanity to your kids, and it opens the doors for them to be open and vulnerable with you as well. Children and teens often hold difficult feelings inside all day when they are away from home.  For many, home is often their safe space where they feel they can be themselves and still be accepted, because of this they often let it all out on the family or trusted loved ones. While this is hard and often creates tension at home, kids do this because they feel safe. As their parent, we should stay grounded, allow for some space, and then get curious about what’s really going on. Try staying calm and open, centered, taking a moment to pause before proceeding. 

Power of the Pause

People typically act how they feel to some extent. When people feel right, they act right. However, when the emotions are less positive, having a personal meditation practice can help parents center themselves and avoid reacting rather than responding. Allowing time to pause when feeling annoyed, angry, or frustrated to think about how to respond rather than react out of strong emotion takes time and practice. Although hitting the pause button is difficult, kids are asked to do it all of the time. So, model this, “I’m so frustrated with your behavior right now. I need some time to cool off and then we’ll come back to it.” Or if you see your teen getting revved up, offer them time to step away for a moment. This lets our thinking brain and feelings brain reconnect; otherwise, we end up saying things that don’t work toward discovering the root of the problem. 

Read related article:Where the Rubber Meets the Road: Strategies for the Emotional Challenges of Parenting — Helping Children Adjust to a New Sibling

Listen With Compassion and Without Judgment

Growing up is hard. Our teens face immense amounts of pressure to “succeed” in all areas of their lives. This pressure doesn’t only come from external sources like parents, teachers, coaches, and the media, but they are constantly comparing themselves to each other and putting additional pressure on themselves. All this while trying to figure out who they are, what they stand for, and where they fit in. It can feel hard and messy at times. From teaching, I have learned not to assume I know what’s going on in the lives of my students. Kids and teens can be very open and honest when they are given the space to say what’s on their minds without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. Try asking questions about how something might pan out to get them thinking of things they may not consider instead of judging them or offering advice. This helps them process and come to conclusions on their own and helps them build confidence in their ability to make difficult decisions. 

Allow Space to “Mess Up”

We are all human. We all make mistakes. One of the top contributing factors to anxiety and students feeling hopeless is the fear of failure. Sometimes, fear is so great it prevents people from taking healthy risks such as contributing to discussions, talking to unfamiliar people, saying the wrong thing when making a phone call to schedule an appointment, or facing a challenge. A student once told me her mom calls mistakes “learning opportunities.”  Wise advice! As a parent, it’s hard to see our kids struggle, and we want them to be successful and feel joy. However, we must allow our kids to feel disappointed, bored, and frustrated with low-stakes problems in life so that they may learn how to cope when life gets more challenging. When we “fix” problems for them, we rob them of the belief that they are capable of working through problems on their own. Becoming aware of how you respond to your own mistakes and how you react when your kids inadvertently mess up is more valuable. Responding with kindness, compassion, calmness, and blamelessness, allows them (and ourselves) the space to think about how to work through a mistake or problem, whether we process together or independently, can be one of the biggest gifts we can give them on how to handle the challenges they will face in adulthood. 

Natalie Freeburn is a high school Family and Consumer Science, Mindfulness, and Careers in Education teacher in Saline, MI. She can be reached at freeburn@salineschools.org

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Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, Wise: Kabbalah for Kids

By Karen Greenberg

"This [Kabbalah for Children and Kabbalah Pathworking and Soul's Purpose Kabbalah] is the most valuable investment that we have ever made in our son." 

— Judy Sauer, Literacy Specialist, Novi Community School District

How could a Kabbalistic approach be the most valuable investment parents have ever made in their child?  And why would it be important for a child to have Kabbalah in his or her awareness?

Kabbalah is an ancient system of creation and how creation works. No one is entirely certain about where Kabbalah came from, partly because it was passed down as an oral tradition for thousands of years. Kabbalah is a Hebrew word that translates into “receiving.” We are receiving the secrets hidden in the Torah, or Old Testament, that teach us how to have a H2W2 (Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, Wise) life. The Kabbalistic system is actually the Unity energy of what is called the Tree of Life (from the Bible, as opposed to the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Duality energy: pain and pleasure, sorrow and joy, war and peace). The energetic Tree of Life is laid out on our bodies. It has ten different spheres, each representing a different quality of God (G-D).

A Kabbalistic approach is such a valuable investment in children because it helps them reside in a more empowered version of themselves, rather than in disempowered parts. Today, bullying is off the charts—nearly one-third of all children are bullying others or being bullied, according to ABC News. Suicides are the third leading cause of death among young people, with upward of half of those as a result of cyber, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, or social bullying (as reported by the CDC). Therefore, it is crucial that children learn to take their power back, for their own happiness and health. As the children learn about the ten qualities of G-D (like love, compassion, severity, understanding, and wisdom) in the Tree of Life, make them a part of themselves, and strive to display these qualities in as many of their interactions as possible, they become more G-D-like, and therefore much more powerful in materializing what they are attempting to create. Teaching children to live in the Tree of Life reality trains them to approach life as proactive co-creators of their dreams, goals, and purpose.

In addition to bullying, another reason why today’s children may have low self-esteem is because they feel that something is inherently wrong with them. In part, this may be because they have received diagnoses that end in the word “disability” or “disorder” (Learning Disability, Reading Disability, Attention Deficit Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Executive Functioning Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder). But, what if they are not disabled, disordered, or dysfunctional? What if they are just different? What if their differences have been divinely coded to bring about a change of age that is now underway?

Clair-Ascension®’s approach to Kabbalah recognizes the Divinity in each child. Every child is created and equipped with exactly what that child needs to carry out his or her soul’s purpose. For example, if that child’s purpose includes revamping the entire educational system so that it will better meet the younger generation’s needs, then personally experiencing difficulty focusing or organizing or processing might prove to be essential to reconfiguring the entire educational system. Perhaps this is similar to someone who is born with Spina Bifida who grows up to become the chief pediatric surgeon operating from a seated position on children with Spina Bifida.

The younger generation is wired to reveal problems, and eventually help create solutions, not only in their school system, but in government, the judicial and political system, the economic system, organized religion, their parent’s marriage, their partner, and their siblings. In H2W2 - K4K (Kabbalah for Kids), we help the children find, then we encourage, support, and nurture, their soul’s purpose.

If the younger generation receives homework assignments that they think are irrelevant to their life, one cannot just tell them that they have to do it anyway in order to get good grades, to get into a good college, to procure a good job, to earn a decent living, and to live in a safe neighborhood. They do not care. If they consider a homework assignment a waste of their time, they refuse to do it. However, once their soul’s purpose is identified, parents and teachers do not need to motivate them at all. Their motivation is intrinsic. 

Even though it is good to question, sometimes some young people can cross the line and behave inappropriately, perhaps swearing at their parents or speaking very disrespectfully to authority figures.  In Kabbalah for Kids, we develop a respectful, healthy one-on-one bond with each child, modeling in class and out, respectful behavior in all their relationships.

Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, Wise - Kabbalah for Kids is also a multi-sensory approach that allows them to move, to integrate the energy of the different qualities of the Tree of Life into their bodies. We use color, quizzes, questionnaires (before and after their experience), and an ascension journey to help these children organize themselves, and their time, their papers, their room, to help them create balance in their life, to acquire healthy eating, sleeping, and exercise habits, to navigate comfortably through their low-vibrational emotions (including forgiving), to repattern their limiting beliefs, to discover their genius so that they are eager to do their work, rather than parents needing to nag. We help them with relationships and friendships, and how to have enough self-respect to set healthy boundaries and use discernment with others who may be disrespecting them, making fun of them, teasing them, and even bullying them. We assist them in connecting with the Spiritual Realm, G-D, their Higher Selves, Archangels, and Angels. We aid them in being aware that they are a spirit in a body, and as such, have a spiritual calling, a purpose, a mission, a destiny. We help them in their Divine Original Vibration Embodiment (the purity of who they were originally, before any wounding), so that they not only connect to, but embrace their authentic self, who G-D created them to be, and what G-D created them to do. We foster their living in the flow of life, at a place of inner peace, joy, and love.

Traditionally, Kabbalah was taught only to scholars of the Torah—Old Testament, and other holy books, who were married males over forty. How exciting to bring an introduction to Kabbalah geared toward fifth graders and up! 

Karen Greenberg, the owner of Clair-Ascension®, offers classes and private sessions in H2W2 - K4K (Happy, Healthy, Wealthy, Wise - Kabbalah for Kids).  Please visit the website clair-ascension.com or contact Karen at krngrnbg@gmail.com with questions or for further information.  

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